Howdy Stephy,

     

     Well I'll be honest, I'm plum tuckered out, but I promised you a letter so I will keep to my word! Pa done passed onto glory nigh unto four months ago.  He was hit by a bear. Treacherous land up here in the Wyoming wild. I done told him not to mosey out to hunt in the dark during breeding season, but he was already three sheets to the wind and determined to do something stupid. I miss the old coot. All I had left in the way of parents, and he raised me the best he could after Ma went on to be with Jesus. Pronounced Hey-soos, showed up on our door step selling guacamole and left with my Ma, and left us with heart ache and a hate of avocados. 

     

     I'm afraid of horses, yet I own this here Stud Ranch, "Hoof Kick", it's all Pa left me. I'm not sure how I'm going to persevere through all of this. A ranch hand, Jericho, has been a big help! He knows all kinds of horse stuff, and is a big old moose of a man so all the other ranch hands listen without question. When I try to dish out orders they all kinda laugh, disrespectful varmints! But ol' Jericho keeps em in line. He is about 3 years my senior, looks like a rugged Mark Wahlberg. Most girls go crazy over him. He's okay of you're into that whole drop dead gorgeous thing. I trust him with everything, except my virtue...

     I got that fancy cookbook you sent me, it's been really helpful! I accidentally shot our cook... it's a long story... but let's just say I'm not a good person to surprise... Luckily Jericho grabbed the gun before I could shoot anyone else! Anyway, I've had to cook for myself for a while now, and so the book of recipes has been a big help, that old Betty sure knows what she's doing! My favorite is that super exotic dish of chicken quesadilla's! I feel like I should wear a sombrero when I eat them. 

     I decided to try and enter some of my horses into races! We have a few real fast steeds that I think are promising, I'm hoping to make it to the Kentucky Derby, I'll be sure to let you know so you can get a big fancy hat for the occasion. I know how you love hats and mint juleps, you stylish lush :) One of my steeds, Crazy Eyes, is a big ole black stallion who happens to love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and wheat germ. Glad I don't have to muck out his stall Guffaw guffaw guffaw!! 

     You remember that freckled tom boy who always hung around my cousin Barry? Her name was Marsha. Well she has always hated me, I'm not sure why, maybe because I always called her stupid and put fire ants in her hair, but I can't be for sure. Anyway, she is now a big wig cashier down at the Wal-Mart. Thinks she is all high and mighty! I can't even shop there anymore! I have to go to the next county over to shop! If I happen to have the misfortune of her cashing me out, she always 'accidentally misses' something and the alarm goes off when I'm trying to exit the premises! I hate her with the passion of a thousand burning suns! And she is marrying Barry! I'm going to be related to her crazy hind end! I am in desperate need of assistance to stop this wedding! He always had a thing for you, and you love crashing weddings, maybe you could seduce him? Just until after the wedding has broke up? I would be forever grateful to you! I just can't imagine spending Holiday's with her! And I just can't get through to Barry, stubborn old mule of a man that he is, he thinks he loves her! How can you love crazy?! I think she's a voodoo priestess or something... She has hexed him! I looked all over his place and there was no sign of chicken feet anywhere... So she must be using something else less obvious. Your help is needed! Let me know when you can come so I can get you a room made up.

     Well I have to go sheer the sheep, and brush the horses, and milk the cows, and get cheese from the goats, and ham from the pigs. I do miss you, and I hope all is well with you and the Burlesque show you're in. You're a shameless hussie, but I still love you. I have enclosed some goat milk lotion I make myself, I do hope you enjoy it. 

           Until the next time

    I am sincerely yours in friendship

                Lindsey