Dearest Stephaniesia,

   I do declare this weather has gotten me all up in a tizzy! It's hot, it's cold, it's snowing, just make up your mind motha nature! I had to wear two petticoats to keep the chill off of me this evening! Quite the scandal, but of course I do loooove me a good scandal.

   Speaking of scandal, did you hear about Juanita McKay? Why she up and ran off with her cousin Joseph and got hitched a fortnight ago! It was kept under wraps until this very night! Turns out they were indeed kissin cousins, and he has her with child! I do declare I was shocked to my very toes! He was always a weird child, I don't know why Juanita paid him any special attention, she was quite a looker and could have married Percival Evans the Veterinarian from the next town over if she would have played her cards right. But alas, she has made her bed, now she must lie in it barefoot and pregnant. I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but if her momma wasn't such a whore maybe dear Juanita might have had a chance. But bad decision making must be in her blood. Bless her heart.

   I was entertaining last week, you remember my tea and BBQ dinner I invited you too? I was broken hearted you were down with the gout and couldn't make it. Anywho, you will never guess who showed up, with cucumber sandwiches in tow! Oh I'll tell you! It was Clarice DuBuah and her new boy toy Andrew Clearwater! Of the Atlanta Clearwaters! Can you just imagine my shock and horror at seeing her in my home?! And with cucumber sandwiches! Like I need her grubby sandwiches! I have a top chef that trained in Paris, France! Of all the nerve! It was a slap in my face is what it was I tell you! I took her ex-husband Harry's side in the divorce so the judge, my dear brother Frank, decided in Harry's favor, leaving Clarice with next to nothing, which is what she came into the marriage with, so I don't see the big deal! But she was un-invited to my party, and then to bring her lover! And you know he is a child of incestuous relations, most delicate situation that one, I won't mention it, but let's just say his dad is really his Uncle, but you didn't hear that from me! Anyway, I looked her right in the eye and told her that she was not welcome into my home, and she informed me that she was moving back into the neighborhood and that I should get used to the idea of seeing her around. Like we would ever be in the same social circle! She has some nerve, the nerve of a harlot!

   My blood pressure is raised now, I must calm myself down. I am going to go have a nice warm milk bath, with a touch of honey. I do hope to see you soon, I pray your gout releases it's painful grip on your body. Do tell Chistophernish I bid him a hello. I will write to thee soon!

Yours most sincerely and humbly
Lindseyetta