Hampton Times

Dear Friends,

     So this week in the Hampton's was exactly what I needed, it's day 2 and I'm already thinking much more clearly, thanks for letting me use your vacation home, and yacht! It sure is yar. After I left Ted at the altar, I needed some time alone, you were right. I sorted through my feelings and finally realized why I couldn't go through with it... It was the fact that he wore socks with sandals! What kind of a monster does that?! The fact he knocked up my sister made me second guess things too. But it was the socks/sandals combo that was the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back.

     But I'm moving on with my life, and working on my tan. I'm taking an art class while here as well. I made you a koala ash tray, so you need to start smoking.

     My diet has consisted of funions and fruit roll ups. I'm going to go out for dinner tonight, I'm thinking seafood, there's a Captain D's about 30 miles out, really classy joint so I'm told.

     I love your HD t.v. here, I've never seen Jersey Shore so clearly! That Snookie sure know how to dress, she is such an innocent spirit. So real. Such a great role model for this generation. Between Snookie and Miley Cyrus, this world just got brighter and classier! Oh and that Lady Gaga, she sure knows what she's doing! I wore a dress I made completely out of Pringles cans, it was pretty epic! Pretty sure I'm going to be in People magazine, don't be jello :)

     Well Geoff is paging me, he needs to know where I want to dock the yacht. Oh I don't know, maybe behind the house? From whence we departed? You really need to think about replacing him, I'm just saying. I mean I sent him out for Strawberry yogurt and he brought me back Cherry... He is slipping my friends.

     I need to be signing off, I have an art class today. We are making turtle coasters, Christmas Present spoiler alert!! But thanks again for everything! If you talk to my whore of a sister tell her I said she can suck it, and that I hope her bastard child has webbed feet.

     Oh I also got a dragon tattoo on my left thigh, chasing a dragon fly onto my right buttock cheek. Really elegant. Similar to the one on your moms back, the one she got in prison not the one she got in honor of her 8'th marriage.

     Only day 2 and I've had so many breakthrough's! I can't wait to see the beautiful butterfly I will become as the weeks ends and I emerge from my cocoon of confusion :)

Miss you all!

Lovesies

Lindsey