Dear Duchess Rebecca Of the Central Coast,

 

 

     Well I took time out of practice to catch up with you my dear friend, I fear being the daughter of the King of the Sea has it's downfalls. I mean the pros are that as a Mermaid Princess I am beautiful and lithe, and talented and rich, and sought after by all the most handsome Mermen. The cons, well I have to constantly sing and dance and titter and giggle and be pleasant... If I am not all of these things then daddy gets his scales in a knot and I am forced to babysit the young Merkids at the Cotillions and Balls, and I really loathe anyone under 4 feet tall, so I try to be all that I can be, or fake as much as I can!

 

     I do miss you terribly, and although I'm glad you found the love of your life and are now reigning Duchess in your sector of the ocean, I do wish that Clem had decided to live nearer to the Kingdom so I could see you. I never had to fake a giggle or titter with you, I truly enjoyed all our times together! Exploring caves, and sunken ships! Pilfering sweets from the kitchen when Maude was too busy cooking to notice! Flirting with all the Service Mermen as they swam in their sharp uniforms... Oh such good times! I wanted to be courted by a Service Merman, but daddy says I am to only entertain royalty... Boring trout that they usually are it's rather a trial to be giddy around them. He has told me that he is in negotiations with the Chapman clan to the South, their son Dwayne Lee is the most eligible bachelor around, although I have never seen him, let alone met him, it appears we may indeed be getting married. Our lives being Negotiated and sold like a pretty conch at the Seaside market. It seems unfair, but as daddy has always said, being born into royalty leaves you with certain responsibilities, and with those often comes sacrifice from what you truly desire, and you must think of what's best for the Kingdom. I am currently practicing the dance routines for the Ball in which we are to meet, I suppose they want to see how we respond to each other before signing any binding contracts, I suppose that's a small consideration. Well I have 'dallied' long enough according to my sister Aviana, so I will finish this later my friend.

 

AFTER THE BALL

 

 

   I can't believe my luck! Dwayne Lee is the most handsome and jovial Mermen I have ever met! He is brawny and scruffy and has the most beautiful fin scales of all the Mermen in the Kingdom! And the best part is that he is smitten with me! I of course played it very cool, and coy, even demure. He couldn't take his eyes off of me, I sang and danced more gracefully than ever before, it's like his presence calmed me yet energized me in a way I've never known before! His voice is my Siren, his touch my Kryptonite, we were meant to be Rebecca, I can feel it in my fins! When we were first officially introduced and I looked into his eyes, it was like coming home... We danced and laughed and talked into the wee hours of the night, we swam to a more private cove and talked in depth about our lives, our dreams, our passions! He made me laugh, and I sigh at the memory of his smile :) Needless to say I told daddy I was perfectly content with him signing the treaty between our family's that would be sealed by our marriage!! I did however tell daddy that Dwayne Lee would have to propose, every girl deserves a proposal, even if it has to be mentioned in a contract. We have a date tonight so I anticipate it then! Oh Rebecca did you ever imagine me married?! I feared the day wouldn't come, my stubbornness and knack for trouble had be thinking daddy would send me to the Seanunnery! But I will be a Queen, and a happy one I believe! I cannot wait to rub this is Jennifer's face! You remember when she stole Josh right out from under me!! With her sultry Seaforeign ways!! So what if she was from the far East coast, I hear those Mermaids can't even make a proper seaweed scarf! But anyway, I am over him of course, but I still won't mind holding my title and happiness over her head, filthy peasant! Not that I'm bitter or anything... Of course not...

THE PROPOSAL

     He took me to this lovely Clam Bar that serves the most delicious Scallop Salad you've ever tasted, and he put my ring in the cutest Coral box he made himself! He told me that even if it wouldn't benefit our families that he was in Love with me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, swimming by my side forever! He was so nervous, and handsome, I of course said yes and was overjoyed at how romantic he was! He then took me on a midnight whale ride, while schools of fish danced in joy around us! I found out he loves to cook, and he dreams of being in law enforcement off the coast of Hawaii, I assured him I was okay with that, and that I would support his dreams because I'm just that awesome. He said he loves music, and dancing, at which point his grabbed me and we started to dance in the shimmering water, back lit by the moon, he whispered endearments into my ear as he held me close, I will never ever forget that night. I always thought I wold be duty bound to the Merman I would have one day been forced to marry, but I am truly happy and in love, it's meant to be, written in the sea and the stars! He reluctantly swam me home, and assured me that he wanted our union to take place as soon as possible, and that we would start working on the plans the next day, he really wants to be involved and help make decisions, I fell asleep with a smile on my face that night :) 

     I do hope you will be my Mermaid of Honor!! You must come to the Kingdom as soon as possible so we can begin to really plan!! There are flowers, and dresses, and the catering, and the hair and make-up, and music!! I am so excited!! I realize Dwayne Lee wants to be involved, but let's be real, the details are up to us! I think I will make my sisters wear dresses that make their Fins look fat... they have been so jealous and hateful to me lately! They called you foul names when you got married too, so we can totally take out our revenge on them now!! Mer-wenches! We must have lunch soon, I am hoping to have this all planned and over in six months, so have your assistant check your schedule and fit me in for a lunch next week! I cleared my lunch hour all of next week so we wouldn't have any conflict. Feel free to bring Clem, I would love for him and Dwayne Lee to be besties like we are! I'm sure they will hit it off! I mean Clem isn't insecure so he shouldn't be intimidated by the brawn and charm of Dwayne Lee, they should get along just fine! Well I need to start looking at colors and narrowing it down, I do hope to see you next week! 

Love you! 

Soon to be Queen Lindsey of the South

Dear Julie,

Day 1:     Well I've been kidnapped.... by Pirates. Yeah, I jest you not my friend! They are about as dumb as a bunch of drunk wooden posts, I am terribly embarrassed to have been accosted and taken by them! They gave me paper to write my father a ransom note, well I don't know why I need a whole 5 pages for that, I simply consulted the GPS on my phone and wrote out the latitude and longitude on the paper for him, they thought it was the ransom cost... smarmy goats!! So while I'm waiting on my rescue I thought I would write and let you know how I've been lately.

     Well there is this inconvenient bit about being kidnapped, it seems first and foremost on my list of "Oh crap, really?!?!". I mean this ship is a disaster! Nothing but fish bones and empty rum barrels! I mean come on now, can't a girl in duress get some lobster tail and a fresh spinach salad at least?! Gutter rats are eating better than I am right now! All they feed me is steak and potatoes, what do I look like? A farm maiden from the 13'th Century?! Puh-lease! Only low born, and low class wenches eat cow and spuds, it's insulting! The Captain of this vessel bursts into my chambers and is like "ello poppet, whuy aint you be eating yoor vittles?!", I'm like, because they aren't fit for consumption by a lady, I'd rather starve and keep my dignity you cretin!! And he is all like "Uhy ahd me best effer kihld for this you ninny!", to which I replied, I'm sorry your mother died, but I refuse to eat this rubbish... He simply turned a ghastly shade of red and stomped from the room, I haven't dealt with him again thankfully, he now sends his lackey, Chancy, to keep an eye on me. He smells of old, wet socks, yet has a lovely smile, which is surprising, because to see a Pirate with all his teeth is a rare occurrence indeed. He doesn't talk much, but he likes to dance... watching him dance is a whole new kind torture! I dare say he could learn a thing or two from you in that field, and that's saying enough...

Day 12:     I'm getting quite bored with this whole 'damsel in distress' business, it is wearing on my nerves! I have finally managed to get them to leave me untied, I mean where am I gonna go? Seriously. And I met the Master of Arms, Troy, and he is teaching me how to defend myself. I'm learning all about fisticuffs. I am quite skilled with a sword now, I am turning into a regular Joan of Arc, except with better hair, obviously. I can shoot a bow, and wield an ax, and have excelled in the fencing style of sword play! Troy is quite proud of me, which is making me proud of myself :) I finally convinced Chancy to go pillage me some new clothes, this bustle has got to go! So now I am sporting some linen pants, and white shirt with a very leather bustier... I look delectable and dangerous... I like it. 

Day 23:     I am not sure what is taking my father so long to rescue me... They are making me do manual labor, such as cleaning and cooking and sewing... This domestic trill is absolutely killing me! I threw an enormous fit over the general hygiene and lack of respect they show this ship by leaving themselves and the ship filthy! So they started regularly bathing, and cleaning up after themselves, and actually things have improved. I am still forced to help with the above mentioned chores and such, but now it's more of maintaining things than trying to salvage them completely. So we all chip in, we wash, and cook, and clean, and bath, and so on and so forth. The smell is the most improved! I didn't realize I had gotten used to such stench, but now the Pine Sol freshness is so refreshing that we all realize the difference. I also taught them how to play Truth or Dare... It has gone awry with the daring once or twice, but no lives lost so that's a success! Turns out we have a few musicians on board as well, so we often have a night of singing and dancing. Although I use the term 'dancing' loosely, it I didn't know better I would think the lot of them were being exorcised. But they try, we all seem to be trying. My hands look like a commoners though, I feel like a typical peasant, it is a most unwelcome feeling! I have to actually do things for myself, and it's exhausting!  

Day 30:     I discovered that I can actually fish for lobster! I can finally eat a decent meal that doesn't consist of some kind of farm animal! And Chancy stole some lovely vegetables so I was able to whip up a salad! We will feast tonight! The boys are looking forward to it as well, I have actually started to... dare I say it... like... these loathsome creatures. They grow on you, like a fungus. But they have treated me well, so I will in turn do the same. Also turns out that the Captain was killed while trying to buy scarves in some local village, he had ruined the leader of the villages eldest's reputation, so he choked him to death with a scarf... the crew is ashamed at the unmanly way he was disposed of, as they should be. So now they are considering who the new Captain should be, they are surprisingly diplomatic when it comes to these matter, there is to be a vote and everything. Troy says I should throw my name in the hat...

Day 44: Well my Father finally sent out a messenger, and he says that since he can only assume I've been ruined, and no man will ever want me, and I've ruined the family name by being captured, that he will not pay ransom, and that he will assume I am dead. Big mistake daddy, Huge! Cause guess who's the new Captain of this Pirate ship? Yeah that's right, this girl. And guess who has a grudge and a very ugly vendetta? Oh yeah, you guessed it, me again! So I'm sailing around finding allies, and forging new relations with old enemies of the former Captains, and if I do say so myself, I am building a rather intimidating militia of Pirates that will soon end the pompous ways of my father and the traitors I considered friends. I hope you're on the right side of this when it all goes down my friend. I have to go train with Troy, and later I have a dance class... If we are taking over my father's kingdom, then these scallywags need to know how to properly waltz! I am having Chancy deliver this to you personally, I hope all is well, I will be seeing you soon. Love you my dear friend.

Captain Lou

of the Pirate Ship

Wild Oats